Dating advice for women with no sense of humour, but with a well-defined personality
Ah dating! What better thing to do to occupy my free time than dating. Once my house is clean and in order, the grocery shopping has been taken care of, the bills are paid, workout is crossed out of my to-do list and I have read the main article of the The Economist so that I can count myself among the intellectually active people, how else would I want to employ my remaining free time if not by going on a date with a stranger? Also because going out on a date means I must have washed my clothes to have something to wear, which makes the whole weekend even more virtuous!
Photo by Karolina Grabowska
I have been in the dating scene for many years now. Since I stopped watching Disney Channel, to be precise. No matter how late that happened (this is not the point), still me taking my first steps into the dating scene was a long time ago and I can now count on quite some experience. One of the things I am the most expert at when on a date is how to entertain… myself… with my own jokes. I have a great sense of humour and being on a date enables yet one more human being to enjoy it. For example, men often make an effort in saying something remarkable, convinced they’ll look charming and cool… Whenever I sense that, I surprise them with one of my refreshing and edgy jokes exuding an unexpected and somewhat threatening level of testosterone that make them want to run away. How cool is that!
I’m not sure if it is the same for the other female readers of this blog, but in my own experience, one of the most common “remarkable things” I’ve heard from guys when on a date is that they are really good at preliminaries. I’m not entirely sure about how the discussion leads to that particular topic, but the fact is that I’m often told early on that they are good at this particular thing. It could have been gardening. It could have been cooking. It could have been managing their finance. It could have been playing the piano. It could have been lacing their shoes. It does not matter. What they choose to inform me about is that they are good at preliminaries. What an irresistible chance to show off my captivating sense of humour… and never have I ever missed that opportunity ;)
Photo by Dainis Graveris
Now, I understand that not every woman out there has the same irresistible sense of humour as I do. Not every girl is able to quickly come up with a smart and enticing way to respond to a dude claiming, out of the blue, that he is good at preliminaries. That is why I came up with a list of possible answers for every type of female personality I could think of. This way, every woman out there has a chance to show her personalized sense of humour (even if she has none) by simply picking one of the jokes below that she feels is the most aligned with her personality. Please enjoy my far-from-complete list of irresistible jokes to address a guy saying way too early on a date: “You know, I’m very good at preliminaries”.
Personality I. The woman who believes she is the best in class:
“You know, I’m good at everything!”
Personality II. The woman who suffers of bipolarism and believes she is Shania Twain:
“That don’t impress me much.”
Personality III. The woman who is into BDSM:
“Awwww you’re so sweet!”
Personality IV. The woman who uses the mathematical induction wrongly:
“Fantastic, now I can put some pressure on you and assume you’re a great lover!”
Personality V. The woman who uses the mathematical induction rightly:
“Which means you’re good at preliminaries only, right?”
Personality VI. The woman who found herself in lockdown alone:
“Look, do you mind if we skip them?”
Photo by Anna Shvets
Personality VII. The woman who is a researcher in theoretical science:
“And what about the theorem, the proof, the simulation, the conclusion and next research steps?”
Personality VIII. The woman who is a feminist:
“How dare you sexualize me!”
Personality IX. The woman who is into politically correctness:
“How dare you jump straight to preliminaries without asking me for a formal permission?”
Personality X. The woman who lost faith in humankind:
“Oh no, another man with a small penis!”
Personality XI. The woman who is a psychologist:
“I know you’re bragging about your sexual abilities to hide your impotence. But don’t worry, impotence is like any other disability. There is no shame on that and I will hold space for you to suffer.”
Personality XII. The woman who believes in socialism:
“Don’t worry. I will campaign for impotence to be recognised as a true disability, so you’ll get your pension for life like all the other disabled people.”
Photo by Dainis Graveris
Personality XIII. The woman who believes in communism:
“Do you mind sharing your expertise also with my friends Marc and Chris?”
Personality XIV. The woman who is gender fluid:
“I’m confused… What do you mean exactly?”
Personality XV. The woman who is non-binary:
“You’re good at preliminaries with a vagina or a penis? Because right now I can’t really tell which one I have.”
Personality XVI. The woman who is Catholic:
“Wow, I didn’t know it was Christmas today!” (In Italian: “Troppa grazia Sant’Antonio!”)
Personality XVII. The woman who needs more than five minutes to orgasm:
“You’re telling me you’re going to come in a matter of seconds, aren’t you?”
Personality XVIII. The woman who is highly competitive:
“I am very good at having multiple orgasms. I bet you cannot beat me on that one.”
Breaking Thirty Quote
Now I would love to hear from you! Have you ever been on a date with someone bragging about his sexual capabilities before actually proving them to you? According to what personality type did you respond? Also, do you have more personalities that I forgot to mention in the list above? Let me know in the comments below and don’t forget to subscribe to the Breaking Thirty Newsletter for more juicy content like this one.