Gilmore Girls is a TV-series in the business of nostalgia. I don’t know how they did it, but since the first episode it was clear that Gilmore Girls would have reminded us forever of “those good old times”. (The only other example of folks in the business of nostalgia I’m aware of is an Italian group called 883. But that’s a story for another time). If you’re planning to binge-watch this series, you know you have a profound reason for that. It’s not boredom, it’s not laughter (though the screenplay has a brilliant sense of humor), it’s not that you have no friends. It’s nostalgia. You have a deep desire to disconnect from the present and jump back in the past, where everything seemed simpler and more innocent (including you). I understand you, my friend, that is why I prepared a guide for you to binge-watch Gilmore Girls in complete safety. You’re welcome.
Get Netflix. I hate to say it, but you need Netflix to binge-watch Gilmore Girls. I’ve always despised TV-series binge-watching and the people doing it. That is why I was proud to say that I didn’t have Netflix… Until my boyfriend told me I should have more fun during my free time and he downloaded the app for me with his password. Now I’m one of those blameful people that, as a reflex, mistakenly click on the Netflix app on their cell phones when they want to reply to a Whatsapp message. Gosh, I hate myself so much!
Start watching from Season 2, Episode 5. You know what happens on Episode 5 of the second season titled “Nick & Nora/Sid & Nancy”. For the first time, Jess appears in Stars Hallow and in all our hearts! Yes. Start watching from that episode. There is really no point in watching the earlier episodes where the characters weren’t aware of the existence of Jess Mariano. When you’ll be at the very last episode of Season 7 and you still feel you need some more Gilmore Girls (and a bit of Tristin!), do not panic. Go back and watch the missing episodes, where everything looks so “from the 90s” and Lorelai has the same haircut as Rachel of Friends.
Three episodes a day keeps the doctor away. I tested it myself. Three episodes are enough to fill your days with Gilmore Girls-vibes and numb all the other feelings, while still allowing you to function like a normal person. You’ll still be able to eat, sleep, shower and call your mum… You know what I mean.
Know that you aren’t a pedophile. You’re attraction to Jess is undeniable. You even brag about being part of Team Jess with all your (male) friends… Until you realise Jess is 17 years old and you, on the other hand, are almost breaking thirty! Don’t freak out, this is not creepy. Milo Ventimiglia, the actor, was born on July 8th 1977. That means that when he started acting in Gilmore Girls he was 24 years old… Totally legal!
Don’t be Team Dean. Really, don’t be Team Dean! Do I even have to comment on that? Seriously, why in the world would someone be in Team Dean? That good (but dumb) small-village guy couldn’t even write his own name. Sure, he finished high school, while Jess didn’t. But I bet he graduated without ever writing his own name not even once! I get it if you’re in Team Logan. I still blame you, but I get it. He is charming, blonde and buys Rory a Birkin Bag. Point taken. But Dean… Oh my God! If hopelessness had sex with boredom, Dean would be their son!
Keep in mind the birthday paradox. You don’t know, but I’m really closed to marry Milo Ventimiglia. Here’s how we sort of engaged. We share the same birthday, July 8th (which is rather soon by the way!). I joined a conversation over at his Instagram profile where a girl said she had the same birthday too. I couldn’t let that girl grab all his attention, so I joined this #MeToo Movement and commented accordingly. Well, Milo Ventimiglia in person LIKED my comment, as you can see in the screenshot below. I was so happy and excited that I sent the screenshot to my boyfriend, so that he could send it to his sister, who is in Team Jess too. Anyhow, the fact that he liked my comment means that he acknowledges my existence. Therefore, when I’ll publish this blog post and tag him on Instagram, he will read it. Also, because he won’t resist my refreshing humor, he will surely fall in love with me and ask me to join him in Stars Hallow to get married under the gazebo.
Do not marry Milo Ventimiglia. That’s right, you read it correctly. I won’t marry him. I know he will cry and beg me to do so, but I won’t. I’m doing this to protect the sexual life of a very good friend of mine. I won’t mention his name here for privacy reason, but hey, Carlos, you know it’s you! I told him that Milo Ventimiglia and I were about to get married. He told me that this is nonsense and that if this will happen, then he will sneak into Buckingham Palace, have sex with the Queen of England, get caught, be put in jail, get castrated and get a pump inside his penis to be able to have erections. I don’t want this for my friend. I really don’t. He’s young and deservers a normal sexual life. So if you’re reading this, Milo Ventimiglia, I want you to know this: love cannot cause suffering and that is why I won’t marry you. (But we can have a casual relationship any time if you want to!)
Delete Netflix. Now that you’ve watched all the episodes, including the disappointing ones of the revival, you can delete Netflix. There is no point in keeping Netflix any longer, because there is no point in messing up with your sleep cycle, your eating habits, your performance at work, and your hormonal system for another TV-series. Delete Netflix and go back to life.
How was your experience with Gilmore Girls binge watching? Have you ever done it and, if yes, how many times did you watch all the episodes? Any other golden rule to add to the ones you just read above? Let me know in the comments below.
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